V IX - gazing at where the wheel hits the road

I don't know why I'm alive, or who I even am anymore. I started smoking and drinking more, I want it to kill me. I got unlucky in this life, I really did. My best friend jumped in front of a train, but I'm not sure I wanna go out that way. The way to survive in this world is to oscillate between hysterics and meta-hysterics to cope with the deeply bleak abyss. I guess you also shouldn't look at the abyss too long either, look at some fucking flowers. You forced me to look at it with your senseless death.
Anyway, that's my emotional support a10.